So one of the first milestones for me has come and gone. I hit the 50lb lost point..got into the 230s, and freaked the fuck out! If you asked me what was going on , even two days ago, I would have told you that my back and hip was the reason that I was slacking off. That I just simply couldn't exercise, and was eating like crap just because. I realized that I was scared. It still scares the crap out of me. Its soo foreign for me to be able to shop in stores and grab clothes in the larges instead of what I am so used to. I love the feeling, it makes shopping for clothes fun for the first time in EVER! But on the same note, it scares the crap out of me. As soon as I saw 239 then 238 on the scale I had a mild internal panic attack and started emotional eating all over again. Emotional eating, social eating, and eating when I was bored. I'm not going to say that I could have worked out while I was stuffing my face, but I could have tried a little harder. Just because I was limited to just walking, didn't mean that I should have given up all together.And just because I might have been in to much pain to work out, doesn't mean I had to give up completely. I could have still watched what I was shoving down my throat.
I started to notice the scale creep slowly back up. Gaining 6lbs back scared me more than being in the 230s. Having gone through 2 sessions of physical therapy, and feeling the relief from that has gotten me motivated again. I'm once again excited to start losing more weight, and look forward to the future me. Its hard starting all over again. BUT I would much much much rather start again at this point, then have the misfortune of gaining the majority of it back, and have to begin all over again from the very being. I'm hoping that with the addition of physical therapy, and more weight loss, my back will start to get better. Which would allow me to lead a healthier, happier, fuller life.
Cheers!
~Ainna <3
