post partum here I come

apparently i was very naive to think that ppd (post partum depression for you non acryonym folks) was something that wouldn't touch me. i thought that because i handled everything else that was thrown to me in my life fairly well that ppd wouldn't be an issue. i mean ok, i know i have issues with everything that has happened, but all in all, i was able to deal with it myself. im not saying that i can't handle ppd, but it truly has shocked me that it is affecting me as much as it is. its not the the extremes as some (like driving my kid off a bridge or anything that drastic) but i did have thoughts of walking away from my son, leaving him in a park alone until my husband came back from his run. i didn't do it, but it scares me that the thought even crossed my mind. but this is my cycle, if you want to call it that. i tend to know my issues and deal with it when they come along. i mean i don't instantly recognize them, but when i do, i acknowledge them and deal with them. wow that's making me sound like a nut case.. at least to me anyways. anywho.. this is me acknowledging that more than likely i have ppd, and now im going to deal with it in my way. im going to try to start doing the things that i found enjoyable.. and more importantly im going to brush away the thoughts of leaving my family, and STOP eating! yeah.. after this chocolate bar is consumed :)