Isolation for 1 please

              i like how i used to think that having a child would help make me feel less isolated with the majority of my friends who have kids themselves. how ironic it was to feel the same isolating feelings as soon as it was made known that i too was going to be apart of the motherhood world. i understand that i pretty much put myself in my own hibernation state but, it wasn't a willing choice i made. my body pretty much put me on bed rest for the majority of my pregnancy. it wasn't until the last couple of months that i actually started to become mobile. i guess this is why i had such a hard time after giving birth.  it felt like people stopped socializing with me, or treated me just the same (sans baby) forgetting that i had to worry about someone elses's needs before my own, and i couldn't drive a million miles out of my way or do other things that i once was able to do without my lil man. why is it that some people almost forget what its like to have a baby? that baffles me.  so now, that i'm finally apart of the wonderful world of motherhood, i'm still isolated because the majority of the kids belonging to the friends i soo wanted to be apart of, are older.. yay me! i win again! LOL

NO i didn't have a child just to feel apart of the gang. i've always wanted a lil person that came from my spouse and i, or at the very least a miniture person to take care of that came from somewhere else. its just weird trying to jump from one world to another, and expecting it to be a smooth transition.

having him has helped me realize that i shouldn't be so bitter, naive, and whatnot. he has truly made me a better person. i've even reconnected with a previous friend who ended for some reason or another. i was tired of being bitter, and hateful. as soon as i made the conscious decision (with the help of my lil one) it's like a 10 ton weight was lifted of my chest. i never knew how much it weighed one down to be so negative and hateful (though there are still some people that will always be at the end of my hate). my mom and brother have both noticed the change, stating that their both soo glad that "i've returned to them, and am back to my old self".......i'm glad that they have seen a change in me. but they got it wrong. i'm not the old me, and never will be. the old me was very VERY submissive, never knew how to say no, and enough was enough, and pretty much was a door mat. yeah, i still have some of those things lingering behind, but not nearly as much as before.. anywho..

that was my rant for the day.. sorry if it made no sense. it made sense to me, and that's all that matters...