when is it my turn to be a butterfly?

i want to be able to regain my power, to have the strength to forgive. but how do you forgive when you have soo much hate for that person? hate is a very contagious thing. right when i think that i am close to being able to let go of the hate, of the bitterness, to be able to forgive, people around me spread their hate into my heart, my soul all over again. how do you get the ones around you to forgive him, when you can't gather the strength to do it yourself? i know that i need to, not for him, but for myself. i know the longer that i use all my energy to hate him for what he did to me, for killing my childhood, for grooming me so well.. i know the longer that i do that, the longer i let him hold all the power, and that's something that i can no longer do. I need to claim it back for myself. i NEED to regain my power.. but how? i don't want the bitterness and hate to spread to my children. at times like these i wonder if turning to god would be the best answer...but its still so hard for me to believe in something..someone that lets things like this and worse to happen to the innocent. i want to know how to be able to spin myself into a coccoon, and emerge a stronger, powerful, person that is ready to forgive him, and her.....