Week four.....

What a let down ... Either my scale really is broken or my body sucks ass. I am sore and tired from working my ass off... And the (broken) scale only says 282.2. I had suuspicions that it was broken when I stepped on it earlier this week and it said 283, and I got excited because I was fully dressed. Yes, I weigh in while only wearing undergarments. So I was curious and stripped down to my skivvys, stepped on the scale again, and the confusion set in. Apparently I had gained two pounds in the seconds it took me to strip. SO last night I bought a new scale. A pretty awesome one that tells me what my supposed body fat percentage, and hydration level. I say supposed because when chuck stepped on it, he says the percentages were off. If he was at 25% body fat, he would not be in the Army.
I like the weight the new scale puts me at much better! The new scale has me at 278.4!!! See I think any one would like those numbers more. Chuck says to be fair I should still record the weight the broken scale says I am at, since it is the one I started at. I am happy to say that I will be restarting the week with the new scale. It seems to be the most accurate according to the other scales I stepped on last night.
So there you go. I either lost one pound or five! Either way. A loss is a loss, right?

Week three!

283.2 oh how I am so happy to see you, you lovely number you. I thought that it was not going to be anywhere near a good week. Yes I worked hard, but I ate bad. Not crappy, but I could have done better, and I will. So today I am a very happy girl! To think. I am three pounds from losing ten pounds. Ten pounds in (hopefully!!) four weeks? How I would be soo ecstatic! Three pounds here I come! And yes, I totally did a happy dance when I saw the numbers on the scale :)

Convinced Chuck to do Zumba with me one day. Seeing him struggling with some of the moves, hearing him breathe heavy, and seeing that he broke a sweat made me feel like I actually was doing work. I had doubts, let me tell you. I thought that I was just that much out of shape, and that was why I was struggling on some days, especially in the beginning. So having him work out with me was very helpful. While watching Biggest Loser this week, I asked Chuck oh he would do a last chance workout. He said he would...so maybe next Wednesday he will. Or whenever he can. I'm a little scared that I'll hate him that day lol.


See you next week!

<3, ainna

Week two

Well.... The good news? I haven't gained anything. Which is really good since, you know, gaining is the opposite of what I'm trying to do here lol! The bad news, obviously is that i haven't lost anything either. Which is very frustrating since, I've continued to watch what I eat for the most part, eating A LOT healthier, and definitely exercised way more than I have in ages. I'm still not exercising as much as I would likely to, because of my hip, but I think that is a good thing in the long run, since i have the feeling with my mentality here lately, I probably would go overboard with it. I've tried to exercise at least every other day, increasing the intensity if I didn't work out the day before. Yesterday I did an hour long session of Zumba, and today my hip is killing me, which is pissing me off because I want to work out more today. I think i should start walking the days I don't do Zumba just to do something. Well, anywho. There really isn't much to report this week, so I suppose I will write more next week. Hopefully this week is like the " dreaded week two curse" via biggest loser, and next week I'll see more results. I know I'm not working out at the intensity or for the duration that the contestants on The Biggest Loser are, but I'm doing what I can, and that's all that matters.

<3 ainna



***okay well, after looking back at my blog from last week, I an happy to report that I did in fact lose this week. Mind you it is only a pound, but a pound is a pound in the right direction. I will take all the (-)pounds I can get! Yay! I don't feel so disappointed now :) hey, you have to take your victories and except them when you get them! I'm damn proud of that one pound! I worked hard for that one pound. No, I'm not going to lie and say I'm not disappointed, because everyone wishes losing weight wishes that the one pound lose would be soo much more. But I have to take this one day at a time. I didn't gain the weight over a matter of weeks, so I can't expect to lose it in that quick of a time frame either. Though, t hat would be hella awesome! okay. Until next week ( for real this time).

<3 ainna

Week one

287.6. Two eighty seven point six. Not bad after one week of jus watching what I ate. And if I'm going to be honest, I haven't been the strictest with it either, do I can't be too disappointed. 3 pounds isn't bad for not working out, for eating McDonald's once. I caved and decided not to go completely low carb. I've made changes in the amount of carbs that I eat, and the type of carbs I eat, but I realized that the more I limit myself, the more I give myself ultimatums, the bigger chance I'm giving myself to cheat. I'm starting to be a firm believer in everything is good in moderation. I also decided to weigh myself for the blog at the end of the day. One, because that's when I originally weighed in, and two because, I mean, yeah I can weigh myself first thing in the morning, when everyone weighs the least. But I feel as if that's not being true to myself.

Today was the first time I have really exercised in a while. It was such a gorgeous day out ( I hate saying that when it's t he beginning of January. January is not suppose to have gorgeous days in the high 50's.) anyways I digress. It was a pretty awesome day out, so we decided to take a walk, while pushing the boys in their push carts, down to the local park. It's a mile walk to get there. So we walked for 2 miles, with a hill to contend with. I walked at a brisk pace. I wanted to stop to taken a break several times, but didn't let myself. Nor did I let myself slow down much either. All I kept repeating to myself was, "you need to get healthy for the boys". Essentially that's what this all boils down to for me. I'm not trying...GOING TO! I am not losing this weight to get skinny. Fitting into my clothes better is just a plus at the end of this journey. I am doing this to get healthy to be with my boys longer.

Well. I think the first week went well. Here's to next week.
Cheers!

Love, Ainna

New years resolution

Its been forever since I wrote here. With that said, I think that I will be using this blog in a totally different way. In order to be more accountable, to follow my new years resolution more thoroughly or at least one I them, I shall use this blog as a weight loss tracker. I'm not wanting to lose weight for all the vain reasons a lot of people lose weight for. I want to lose weight for health reasons. Im tired of being in pain. Im tired of not having the energy to run around and chase my sons.... And they aren't even old enough to fully run around yet. But most importantly I want to be healthy enough to live a long life to be around them for as long as I possibly can. This is even more important to me, with the recent discovery of my mom having diabetes. With her being recently diagnosed with it, and knowing that my grandfather had it as well, scares me. I dealt with gestational diabetes, and that scared me enough. I was able to manage it, and didn't have any major complications with it, but it was still something that I don't want to deal with in a long term/ rest of my life type basis. So I want to ensure that I can do all that I can in my power to eliminate this potential disease from my life.


So... Here goes.
While pregnant, because of the gestational diabetes, I had to cut back on my carbs. And just doing that helped me lose weight. With my hip hurting as sporadically and painful as it has been, I don't want to just jump into working out, as much as I want to, with fears of hurting myself even more, and the eliminating any potential results that I could attain. So I'm hoping that I can lose weight through diet alone for the time being, so that can get to the point where I can get more active. Today has been other first day of eating fewer carbs then I am used to, and I'm not going to lie. It's HARD! But I have to remember. It was soo hard in the beginning while pregnant too.. But if I can get to the point where I didn't even crave carbs while pregnant, then I know I can do it now as well. So... My starting weight in all of this is ....oh gosh, am I really about to say this out loud, for anyone to see? Yes. This ends now. As ashamed as I am to say this, and as much as I told myself that I would NEVER get back to my heaviest, sadly I have to admit, if I continue going the way I have been, I'm afraid I would hit that point, and surpass it even. ok..here goes. My starting weight is 290.4lbs. Oh my goodness.. How did I get back to this? Not that I ever ever have been skinny by all means. I was thrilled it have lost the 50lbs at my heaviest, and was looking to losing more. But I would never trade skinny for my Char Monster. I will not weigh in every day. Maybe every week. But I will definitely check in often. I might even post pics... I think that will even make me more accountable.

when is it my turn to be a butterfly?

i want to be able to regain my power, to have the strength to forgive. but how do you forgive when you have soo much hate for that person? hate is a very contagious thing. right when i think that i am close to being able to let go of the hate, of the bitterness, to be able to forgive, people around me spread their hate into my heart, my soul all over again. how do you get the ones around you to forgive him, when you can't gather the strength to do it yourself? i know that i need to, not for him, but for myself. i know the longer that i use all my energy to hate him for what he did to me, for killing my childhood, for grooming me so well.. i know the longer that i do that, the longer i let him hold all the power, and that's something that i can no longer do. I need to claim it back for myself. i NEED to regain my power.. but how? i don't want the bitterness and hate to spread to my children. at times like these i wonder if turning to god would be the best answer...but its still so hard for me to believe in something..someone that lets things like this and worse to happen to the innocent. i want to know how to be able to spin myself into a coccoon, and emerge a stronger, powerful, person that is ready to forgive him, and her.....

My lil monster

I can't believe that on Saturday.. in 2 days my lil man will be 8 months old. I love just sitting and watching him reach and pass the littlest to the hardest milestones that a baby has to pass. I was soo proud when he started rolling over, front to back, then back to front at 2-3 months. Transitioning him to his crib was a blessing in disguise. I thought that it would never happen. It seemed like it was going to take forever for it to finally happen, but it finally did.
 Thinking back to all of that, and me remembering thinking how I just wish he would start crawling soon, because I just knew he would be much more content if he was mobile. Now I'm wondering what the rush was, ha! He started what we called zombie crawling at 6 1/2-7 months. He did this weird one armed pull thing across the floor, until eventually he started using his leg. He was very capable of getting on his knees, but couldn't quite figure out how to crawl that way.  He slowly started to manuver a few crawl steps on his knees and hands, but seemed like he felt that doing the army crawl got him to places alot faster. Before you knew it, he started pulling up on things, and that was his favorite thing to do. He always loved standing, but now that he could figure out how to stand on his own, he was in heaven, and we lowered the crib. Out of the blue he started crawling like a normal baby, soon after he popped out two of his lower teeth (his first teeth!!) and its soo fun watching him. He's becoming more adventurous, and has started following us around the house, and its the cutest thing ever. He's also now taking a bath like a big boy, and couldn't be happier that he can move around in the tub now! He's cruising along the couch, and will walk when you hold his hands, and am getting anxious to see him attempt walking on his own, much less stand on his own for more then a few seconds. Even though he's only got two teeth, he's eating and managing to eat more and more table food. He gets along with other kids and people so well, that i have no doubt he will be a great big brother.I love my lil man soo much, and I thank every day for him.